Many of my posts have had to do with me and my walk, in hopes that I can encourage you and your walk. Well, today is no different. I have struggled this week with pride. It is my hope that you will see the heart that is behind this and use it to strengthen your walk.
Pride is a funny thing. It has a way of creeping up without us even knowing it. This week, I had a situation where I felt like God was telling me something to do and when I shared it with my wife (and family), it brought about a reaction that I was not prepared for. The reaction was against what I felt led to do. In this process, I made mistakes that I wish to share with you. One was my pride. The second was that I told her what God had laid on my heart at the same time I told the entire family… and that was a HUGE mistake. But that is for another post. But trust me, you don’t want to do that…
My pride, made me feel like I knew better than anyone what God was calling me to do. I argued with my wife and basically told her, “I know what I am talking about and you don’t”. Now, I didn’t say that, or really even mean that, but the pride in me, would not let go of the fact that God had spoken to me. She was totally against what I felt led to do and in all honesty, it made me very mad and like wise with her. My pride jumped up and started thinking, I am the man of this house and I know what is best. However, I agreed to pray about it and I did. I also sought counsel, because I honestly just didn’t know what to do. It was then I was told by a wise friend to submit and love my wife as Christ loved the Church. To lay down my desires and help her with hers. To honor her wishes. However, I was still very unaware of my pride. I could not see it at all. But later that day, I told my wife that I would hold off on doing anything until she had the peace to move forward too.
The next morning, I was having my quiet time and before I knew it the burden to do this was stronger than ever. I asked my wife to please pray for me and this situation. Again, I hurt my wife, without even realizing it. You see I, in a since, broke my promise to her. My pride was coming out without me even knowing it. When I realized I had hurt her again, I stopped right there and prayed. “God if this is not your will, take it from me, but if it is your will, please show me what in the world I am doing wrong here.” I made a phone call to the man at our church. And like a slap in the face, the answer came clear as day. I was completely honest with him and told him my struggles and my wife struggles with this situation. He simply answered you are very wise to listen to your wife. I sat there for a minute. He then said, men are wired to be go getters, we feel a calling and go, often times ahead of God. And leave everything else in the dust. WOW! Sitting there feeling about an inch tall, I could not believe it. At the moment those words were said, it hit me… MY PRIDE! I was being a complete jerk. A prideful, arrogant jerk.
17 You might say to yourself, “I am rich because of my own power and strength,”18 but remember the Lord your God! It is he who gives you the power to become rich, keeping the agreement he promised to your ancestors, as it is today. 19 If you ever forget the Lord your God and follow other gods and worship them and bow down to them, I warn you today that you will be destroyed.20Just as the Lord destroyed the other nations for you, you can be destroyed if you do not obey the Lord your God.
My pride had slipped in without me even seeing or realizing it. I would never do anything to hurt my wife, but I did and it was my pride that was deceiving me, it had slipped right past my guard. Do I still feel like God is calling us to this situation? Yes, but not right now, down the road.
So what can we learn from my mistakes?
First, Pride even in the smallest form, is very dangerous. It, as with any other sin, is blinding. We can’t see through it to see the truth. To me, it is one of the most dangerous sins there is. Second, God has placed our spouses in our lives as a teammate. We need to heed the warning when we are both not on the same page. Third, when you are not on the same page, pray about it together… face to face together. Seek the wisdom from Him as a team. Where two are more are gathered in His name, He is there. Fourth, (looking back on this now I realize this) when you start getting upset or see your spouse getting upset about the disagreement, you need to stop and really search what God is showing you both. In my case, my wife was right on with what God was saying and I was not. She was not against this opportunity, she just didn’t have a peace about it right now. And last but not least, is not to jump and run. (I struggle with this one a lot) When you have a calling, there could be several avenues in which that calling could take place. Search the Lord and His calling to see what He wants. Don’t just jump up and run without getting ALL of His instructions. Sometimes He places a calling on us to prepare us for what is to come. It is not always right then, right now. Seek His instruction first. Then pray with your spouse and then prepare for what He has called you for. The main thing is that we are open and obedient, but in His timing, not ours. We are here to bring Him Glory and if we jump out ahead of Him, we only cause ourselves pain.
Pride is very dangerous. It has the power, if left alone, to rip you to pieces and everything around you as well. We need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirits guidance and be sure to check our motives in everything we are doing. God and only God should be the one getting the Glory.
Challenge: Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong. We are all humans and we make mistakes. The moment I realized I was wrong and what it was that I had done, I called my wife and simply told her, I humbly admit you are right and I am wrong. Pride can be tricky and it can also cause you and those around you pain. So always watch for it.