Can God Really Save A Marriage?


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Let’s face it, marriage in today’s world is being tested more than ever.  With the economy, most every family has been effected by it, with busyness, all of us are going different directions, and with the internet, pornography is at an all time high.  Not to mention the countless other things that cause marriages to fail, such as communication, intimacy, adultery, and the all to familiar “I just don’t love you anymore”.  So I ask the question, Can God Really Save A Marriage?

The answer to that question is, Absolutely! You might think I am crazy, but my marriage is living proof that God can save any marriage.  It is my prayer at this very moment, that you stop right here and pray, asking God to forgive you and asking Him to speak to your heart of hearts right now.  If you are in the midst of a marriage that is on the rocks, know right now, is a turning point.  You are reading this for a reason.  God can, and will save your marriage, if you allow Him to.  Notice, I said, Allow Him to. Keep that in mind as you read further.  Some of what you are about to read maybe hard for you to handle, but I promise you that if you will do it, your life will not only be transformed, but your marriage will too.

A One Way Street

Marriage is a one way street.  Yeap, I said it, one way.  Not a two way street like people lead you to believe.  Marriages fail everyday because of that very notation.  All marriages are done before God.  All marriages are a union between husband and wife, and all marriages are for better of for worse.  You might say, “how does that make it a one way street?”  That’s easy.  The one way street should be both parties pointing  in one direction… to God.  If you say it is a two way street, that means both parties are always going different directions.  And if that is the case, how will you ever end up in the same destination?  If God is not the center of your marriage, and the direction you are going, your marriage is bound to break down at some point.  Marriage is a direct reflection of our relationship with God.  His is the Bride and we are His Bridegroom.  His sacrifice of His one and only Son, Jesus on the Cross, shows us just how He values marriage.  He knew we couldn’t keep the law, so what did He do to make sure we had every opportunity to spend eternity with Him?  He sent His precious Son to die on the cross for our sins and paid the ultimate price to save His Bridegroom.

God First

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ~ Matthew 6:33

This is the key to anything you do, that you want to have success with.  Seeking God first in all we do, you can never go wrong.  Does that mean you are never going to have problems?  No!  Does it mean you are never going to disagree or argue?  No!  What it does mean is that you are submitting yourself and your marriage before the Lord for Him to guide and direct your paths.  This is a daily process.  We must be in constant prayer for our marriages, and our spouses.  The enemy is constantly looking for spot to creep up into, so always be on your guard.  Seeking Him first daily is the key to that guardianship.

A Call to Husbands & Wives

Men, we are called to be the spiritual leaders of our households.  That is an awesome responsibility.   But what does it mean and how do we do it?  This for me, this was by far the hardest thing to learn, and I am still learning it today.  But what I can tell you, is that there are some basic steps to begin.  One, prayer… Pray with your family.  Pray with your wife.  Two, Ask God to direct you on how to be a spiritual leader.  I will suggest starting a weekly family devotion time.  Come together as a family in prayer and studying the Word of God.  And as you will notice in the scripture below, it says we are to bath our wives in the word of God.  Now, what does that mean?  It means that we have to not only be in the Word ourselves, it means we are to share with her what we learn and what God has shown us.  It also means we are to pray with her.  As well as, spending time in the Word with her.

Women, you are called to respect your husbands and honor them with submission.  Does this mean you are to be a doormat, absolutely not.  It simply means that you are under his authority, just as the church is under the authority of God.  Ultimately he is accountable for how he leads you and your family, but in order to lead you, you must be willing to submit to him.  I would also include in this… prayer.  Your husband has multiple decisions everyday that effect your entire family.  They are also going to be under attack from the enemy.  He will try to distract them anyway he can.  So be in daily prayer for Him.

Let’s look at what God’s Word says:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.

FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.

This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” ~ Ephesians 5:21-33

To much pain

All this is great, but we are to far gone and there has been to many harsh words said and to many things done for us to ever get back to where we were before.   If this is you, stop believing that lie. It is from the very pits of Hell.  Satan would love nothing more, than to destroy another marriage.  God can do anything.  Saying He can’t save your marriage because there is to much pain, means that you are putting limits to God’s provision and His love for us.  And my friend, nothing could be further from the truth.  He didn’t send His Son to die and save His bridegroom for the fun of it, He did it because He loves you and me and He wanted to save us at any cost.  And the same goes for your marriage.  He can and will save your marriage, IF we allow Him too. It does not matter what has happened, what has not happened, whether it be adultery, lying, or money just to name a few.  There is nothing that His grace and mercy can’t cover.  How do I know?  Because my wife and I experienced all of the above.  We where on the very brink of divorce, with papers filled when God reached in and provided a miracle and saved our marriage.  He not only restored it, HE TRANSFORMED IT! Our marriage is stronger and better now than I could have ever imagined.  And all it took was us both surrendering, fully and completely to Him and His will for our lives.  Jeremiah 29:11 says this, I have plans not to harm you, but rather plans for you to prosper”. That promise holds true for you too!

The Key

Here is the key.  Both parties have to be willing to try.  Just try!   You have tried it on your own and it failed, so before you call it quits, just try this one last thing.  I promise, you won’t regret it.  GIVE IT ALL TO GOD! Both of you, get on your knees and cry out to God and ask Him to heal your marriage.  Ask Him to forgive you both, ask Him to help you forgive each other, and ask Him for His promises to be fulfilled in your life and in your marriage.  Will it be hard?  Yes!  But each time you think it is getting to hard, proclaim His promises in His Word out loud and ask Him to give you the strength.  If you are willing to put down your pride, and pick up your cross, you will be transformed… not restored, but transformed!  That is a promise!

Prayer: Father, I come to you today and ask you for forgiveness Lord.  I need your help.  I need my marriage to be transformed like only you can.  Lord, I pray that you will give me the strength to try your way.  I pray that your spirit will guide not only me, but my spouse as well.  Father, I am asking you for you promise on my marriage and for you not only to save it, but transform it by the power of your healing hand.  Amen!

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About Brad Clarke

The Christian journey takes us through many different areas in life. I am simply tracking my growth, my failures, and most of all, my faith. My Walk with Jesus, is exactly that, a blog about my walk with the Lord. I pray that it will encourage, inspire, and help any and all that read it.
This entry was posted in Faith, Following God, God's Will, Jesus, Life, Marriage, sex, Temptation, Trials. Bookmark the permalink.

109 Responses to Can God Really Save A Marriage?

  1. The link above takes you to an article I wrote regarding the responsibility the husband has in loving his wife, especially if he expects “submission.”

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Jim, Thank you for your response. I read your link and would agree that in many cases the word submission is mistranslated in the minds of men. That is not what God intends for marriage to be. The passages that you refer to are great ones, but taken out of context could do more harm than good in a marriage relationship. God has placed the man as the spiritual leader for his home, just as Christ is the spiritual leader of the church. However, that does not mean that man is supposed to use their wives as doormats. We are to humbly love them as Christ loves the Church in every aspect. Thank you again for your comment.

  2. God can absolutely save a marriage! My husband and I went through a five year separation and were done all but for the signing of the documents but through God’s mercy our relationship was completely restored. We have been reunited for nearly for years now and going strong. Thank you for your encouraging post and letting people know that there is hope if both people are willing to do what’s necessary to save their relationship.

  3. Valarie Brown says:

    I am going through issues with my new husband. We have been married since 11/4/2010 and he has a condition called “lifestyle addiction”. See he was at one time living a life full of drugs, women and just in the fast lane. I am 61 and he is 59. He says he loves me but he has this addiction. He is in counselling for this condition but I feel he needs God more then another person. He says it is the thrill of it and nothing more. I have prayed, spoken to one of my Ministers and I just feel hopeless. I will continue to say the prayer on this article, because I believe he is worth saving. I believe that he does love me, but je just can’t continue this lifestyle; I feel he has today mixed up with yesterday. I will try to have him read your article and maybe it will help him understand that God has to be in this marriage at all cost.

  4. Bill says:

    Can a marriage be saved when only one person wants to save it and is calling on God to soften his wife’s heart.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Bill,

      God can save that marriage too… My marriage was is that same boat. I was trying to save and my wife did not want to work things out. With papers filed and divorce on the brink, He reached in and saved, restore and renewed our marriage better than ever. It can only be summed up as this, His hands moved and changed my wife’s heart at the last waking hour. So, yes, He can save a marriage like that. Keep doing everything that God is telling you to do and continue to pray for your wife. I will say this, that you must remember that she has the power of “free will”. And while God might be working on her heart, she has the ability to say no to Him and reject His blessings. Keep the faith my brother and don’t stop praying for a miracle, He is still in the miracle business.

      Brad

  5. Jon says:

    I am in a fight to save my marriage and my wife is all but done it seems. All she says is that we are in different places and I have done everything including giving it to God and prayer. I have lost weight and regained a church lifestyle and way of life from all this….which is great but I just want her back too. I am struggling because she is ready for divorce after 3 months of seperation and I am not. I have been a good man but we just want different things she says. Please pray for my marriage and thank you for the moving story. I hope my story ends much the same.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      My brother, I am praying for you, your wife and your marriage. I want to encourage you not to give up. God is at work in your life and is drawing you closer to Him. I want to also say this, not to be negative but to speak in truth. Remember, your wife has the same free will you have in Christ. However, I would not give up trying with your wife. Continue to pray for her. Continue to encourage her in Christ. I would not hound her, as that will push her away, but love her as Christ loves the church. We as men have that command from God to be the spiritual leaders in our homes and the best way to lead is by example. Don’t put on an act. Fall in love with Christ! Then out of that love, you will grow to love her as Christ loves His Church. As for your wife… I assume she is a believer too? I would encourage you to reach out to your small group in church (Sunday School Class), be open with them and ask for some of the women from your church to call her, take her out to lunch and be an encouragement to her. Remember not to judge her. She has one judge! If you need to talk more, you can email me anytime, as I am happy to help encourage you and pray for you! My email is ourwalkwithjesus@yahoo.com. God bless you brother, and I am praying for you!

  6. D W says:

    I have handed my marriage in need of saving over to God. I am finding that I struggle regularly when my husband has bad days-he moved into his mother’s home 4 weeks ago, leaving our 4 children aged 2, 10, 13 and 16 with me in our home. We are having extraordinary financial problems and he has made no money at his job in months (commission based). I feel that he is feeling like a failure and out of desperation and our fighting he called a girlfriend from when he was 18 or 19 years old. They have had a 2 month phone relationship (she lives 8 1/2 hours away and thankfully he isn’t in a hurry to visit her, but thinks they may end up together, he isn’t sure). I have been with my husband for 18 years and he is truly the love of my life. I feel that the financial pressure was too much to handle on top of a toddler, a child headed to college and let down dreams (I was going to be a more attentive wife this time around with our youngest child-I really desired a 4th child and we were in a wonderful place in our marriage only 3 years ago, he had his vasectomy reversed and now he feels left out, let down and ashamed because of his inability to get a salaried job that will pay our bills). I have prayed as much as any one person can and I have seen improvement, but he also stopped wearing his wedding ring a couple weeks ago, which is worrisome to me. I was wondering if there were a lot of ups and downs before you and your wife got back together. The roller coaster is so difficult for me. I believe God can restore our marriage, but part of me is still fearful.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      First let me say this… I will be praying for you and your marriage. When we face these issues in marriage, we are always faced with 2 options. Stay and fight for it or give up. It sounds like to me that he has given up in every area of his life and trying to fill a void that can’t be filled by anything or anyone. Is he a believer? I would keep praying for him and encouraging him, maybe through daily scripture. Don’t overwhelm him or you run the risk of pushing him further away. Stay strong. This is not a battle of your marriage, as hard as that may seem, it is a battle within himself. Does or has he suffered with depression in the past? I would encourage him in Gods word and his truth. Remind him that you are a team and that God will carry you through. God is more interested in build our character then his is with us being comfortable. This season of financial trouble could be just that, a character test. Please keep me updated. And yes, there were many ups and downs before it got better with my wife and I, but God can and will restore your marriage, but it takes both parties surrendering individually to the Lord. I am praying for you!

      • D W says:

        He has suffered from depression and was actually on an antidepressant for a couple years-which he often forgot to take for days at a time. He has an appt with our doctor to get off of it completely…he has lowered the dose already.
        He was a believer-not sure if he still is, because of how he is acting. In fact there were times when I would stay home with our 2 year old when she was first born-up until a year old and he would take our older 3 kids and himself to church. Not this last year, though.
        I am not sure he is surrendering to God, I think he is trying to escape the feeling of failure right now.
        He seems uncomfortable with the fact that as of the last 2 Sundays I have returned to church while he comes and visits with our children. Sunday is usually a bad day for him each week. I do have to say that I have seen improvement the last couple weeks which has encouraged me to seek God more. I have been a very critical wife and I have contributed to his feeling of shame over finances. I have asked his forgiveness and God’s forgiveness and God has definitely been changing my heart, but right now, my husband doesn’t seem to want to see it. Though Friday and Saturday he did ask me to go out with him…so maybe he is trying and just not telling me about it. My character has definitely had a lot to improve and I feel the last couple months have been a real eye opener for me. I just pray it isn’t too late.

      • Brad Clarke says:

        I would encourage him not to get off the meds right now and to take them as directed. Missing doses, especially anti depression meds, can often times cause more harm than good. Second, I want you and your husband to hear this truth. If you both have been saved by the Blood of Jesus Christ, and accepted him as your Lord and Savior, you can not lose that salvation. While there are times in all of our lives, that we fall and even slip back into our old lifestyles, your salvation is secure. We all sin and fall short of the Glory of God, but he is quick to forgive us if we ask for it.

        Marriage is a team effort… Wives have there commands that come from God and likewise, husbands have ours. Husbands are to love our wives as Christ loves the church. It is not a feeling, but a choice. Like wise, wives are to respect and submit themselves to her husband, as he has called him to be the head of the house, as Christ is the head of the church. This is a process and not a one time fixes all. It is a daily battle or choice that we must make each and every minute of everyday. I would like for you to ask him to start praying with you, even over the phone. Even if you don’t know what to pray about or if you prayer is two minutes long, pray together as one flesh. If he doesn’t want to, or gives an excuse, ask if you can prayer for him while you are on the phone or in person. Don’t give up… Gods word tells us that where two or more are gathered in Jesus name, he is there also!

  7. Kathy says:

    My husband filed for divorce 9 months ago. We have a 3 year old son who prays constantly he wants mommy and daddy back together. My husband’s heart has softened some but we still have not talked about us. He insists it’s over! I on the other hand have not stopped praying. I love him so, as well as my son, and want our family whole. God is working in this I can clearly see but I am not sure he wants us back together. I pray for wisdom and clarity as to what to do. I pray for strength to let go and let God. I pray for a divine miracle. I ask these things in Jesus’ precious name, and so it is so, amen!

  8. Gregory says:

    My wife filed for divorce April 2011. I found god and have been praying through rosary, chaplet and Pedro pio everyday. My wife pretty much told me its over. I still have hope and faith that god can save our marriage not only for us but our three boys who need us both now more than ever. I won’t give up and the church reminds me of our vows for better or worse to death do us part. This is the worse problem I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. We’ve been married for nineteen and i hope another 100 more. Please pray for our family. Gregory and laurie.

  9. Gregory says:

    My wife served me with divorce papers April 2011. I found god and pray through rosary, chaplet and padro pio every day since. We’ve been married nineteen years and i won’t give up on our family. We have three boys who need us both now more than ever. I have hope and faith that god can save our marriage. Please pray for our family. Gregory and Laurie. Thank you and god bless all.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      I will be praying for you Gregory… I know that divorce is hard, especially with kids. I want to ask you something… You said you found God. Have you ask Jesus Christ to be your Lord and Savior, to forgive you of your sins and to enter into a eternal relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ?

      • Gregory says:

        Yes. i also been praying everyday since April this year and plan on praying everyday for the rest of my life! i have hope and faith that god can change my wife without her wanting to. have you ever heard of this being done? I’ve seen so many signs from the lord to encourage me i think? I’ve given my heart to the lord the third day after the divorce papers were served. i trust in Jesus!

      • Brad Clarke says:

        That is awesome Gregory! I would highly suggest to you to take this time and truly dig into God’s Word and His promises. Deepen your relationship with Him first. Then as He works on your wife, you will be there to help guide her and be a Biblical Husband that God has called you to be… loving her as Christ loved the Church. Ask Him to reveal to you the things that you need to change about you to make you more like His Son… another words, be the clay in the potters hands, allowing Him to mold you and make you into who He wants you to be and who He created you to be. As you continue on this journey, keep praying for your wife. And yes, I have seen the hand of God move in ways that you would not believe. God is still in the miracle business and He and He alone has the power to change peoples hearts! With that being said, she still has the choice to reject Him (her free will). God will not force Himself on anyone. However, if she belongs to Him, He will not let her go and He will continue to get her attention one way or another. I will keep praying for you and your marriage.

  10. janet nalley says:

    My husband and I have been married for 30 years, and he left almost 7 monthes ago, I was a, still are devastaed.. I havent gave up we still were dating and cummintcating till the last week and now hes pushing me away.. I have never prayed for something and someone so hard in my life.. I have faith but stay terrified that he is just waiting on time for divorce, I dont think I could handle that. But I still tel him everyday I love him and lately he want evern say it back, after hering this for 30 years its hard to not hear… I miss him so bad but he seems to be slipping farther away.. seems the harder i pray for him and us the farther away he gets… i know he has free will but how can he be so cold…

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Janet,

      I will join you in praying for your marriage. I want to tell you a couple of things. I would continue to pray and let God handle the rest. The more you try to control him, the more he will push you away. I don’t know the entire situation, but I can tell you that he is in a battle right now. It is time to take him off your hook and put him on God’s. With that being said, I want to encourage you to really grow closer to the Lord yourself. Draw near to him and He will draw near to you. Read, study and pray over His Word. Seek that deeper relationship with Him. When we take our attention off of our problems and lay them at the foot of the cross, and then focus on what God is trying to teach us, then we truly grow in our relationship with Him. God is your strength… remember that… your husband in not! God will fill that void, that is a promise I know is true. I can’t tell you what your husband will do, but I can tell you that God loves you and His Word and His promises are true! You will find the strength in Him and you will find healing in Him and only Him. One promise is Jeremiah 29:11 and the other tells us that if we seek Him, we will find Him.

  11. C.J. says:

    My husband and I have been married for a little over 13 years. We got married when we were just teenagers and we have two daughters. During our years of marriage I lived very selfishly. Wanting it to have my way. I found God in the midst of our marriage but still didn’t understand what marriage meant to God. Earlier this year my husband told me he wanted a divorce. After several painful weeks he decided he wanted to try and make it work. Up until the time he told me he wanted out, I slipped away from God. But I felt God for several months telling me that I am going down the wrong path. It’s been ten months and I have grown closer to God in this time than I have in my entire life.
    Last night my husband told me he was done trying to make it work. That he wished he would have went ahead and gone through with the divorce back when he first told me. That he thinks I’m being fake. That I need to concentrate on my relationship with the kids because ours is over. He said he’s not happy and doesn’t feel for me the way he used to.
    Because of my closeness with God these past 10 months, I wasn’t as devastated as when he told me before. I am trusting God to work out the plan he has for my life. I am hopeful that it will also include my husband and the restoration of my marriage. Whatever the outcome, I know God will never leave me nor forsake me and I’m holding onto that promise.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      C.J.

      I want to tell you that we will be in prayer for your marriage. I will tell you that all things are possible with God! I would continue to grow closer to the Lord during this time. I would also be in prayer for your husband. Does he know the Lord? I will tell you this, focus on what God is trying to teach you here and not what your husband calls “being fake”. Let God show him the truth. Just like you however, your husband has free will to make this choice. So stay strong to God’s promises for you! Pray for him everyday, not just for your marriage, but pray for his heart!

  12. rose says:

    I have been married for 5 yrs. my husband is a pastor. Sometimes last year I got to know that he has been cheating on me. He has been having affair with differrent women especially those who attend his church. He has also been addicted to drinking and most of the time he runs after those women who can support him financially. When I asked him of all those scandals i was hearing he denied and told me if i am not going to trust him he is ready for a divorce. He stays i a different town and i cut communication with him for about two months, I was praying God to intervene, things started going worse in his side, nothing was succeeding in his life, he decided to come back to me to ask for forgiveness, after 3 weeks again erupted some misunderstanding between us and told me again i keep away from his life, I am praying God to show me HIS will in my marriage as am hurt, please advice me we have not communicated to each other for 1 week now since he left.
    rosaa

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Rose, we join with you in prayer for your husband. I am going to say something here and I want you to hear this carefully. Your husband is playing with fire! We are all created equally in Gods eyes. But when we take an oath and surrender to the calling that He has for us, we are held to a higher standard. Simply because we are the shepherds leading the sheep. The Bible is very clear about false teachers and those who lead others astray. I don’t like to ever take sides, because I do realize that there is always two sides to every story. However, I will speak truth into darkness. God is also very clear about marriage and cheating. He is also very clear about what you have the right to do if this is the case in your marriage.

      With all that being said, I would tell you to specifically ask God what He would have you to do. Does He want you to stay and work through you or does He give you permission to leave? He will tell you the answer…. I will tell you again, your husband is playing with fire, much like David… He will soon be running from God and the choices he has made, if he is not already. Seek God in EVERY SINGLE decision you make from here on out.

      We are praying and please keep us updated!!!

  13. christopher says:

    i have been marriage for three years my have filed for divorce i need help bad to save my marriage i have been with her for 18years off and on she say she love me i know she do she cry all the time when iam around her i have prayed nothing seem work i gave up she said have faith what i do i need help please

  14. D W says:

    C.J.
    I have been married for 17 1/2 years. In Sept. my husband said the same things to me. Then in Oct. he moved out. We went through several periods of time where he seemed to be ‘trying’ somewhat-in actions only (dating, kind of…as in ‘I’m going to watch the fights tonight if you are interested’…not really a ‘date’ but I took it) and then on and off. He was absolutely done. I mean done.
    Went so far as to plan to move to another state, made new year’s eve plans with another woman in another state…and went and kept them.
    On new year’s even, though I got an email that said things with her were not ‘past the point of no return’. Then on the 1st I got 4 texts that said he didn’t know if we could work it out, but things would not be past the point with the other woman. He left where he was at midnight, drove 7 hours straight to our home….wasn’t actually going to do that, but decided on the way to not go to his mom’s and come home to me.
    He has been home for 10 days. The first day and a half were great, then a rocky 5 days….up and down….now it is evened out and things are getting back to normal.
    I hadn’t picked my bible up much before my husband started talking about leaving in Sept. I relied on my bible the whole time he was gone. I also meditated. I started to feel God telling me that things would be fine and to trust in him. Some days were harder than others. But I grew stronger in my faith. There was one passage that said something about ‘this is not your battle. take your position, stand still and let the lord fight this battle for you’. I read that everyday.
    You ask God for what you want and you act righteous as best you can and you have faith and you believe and know that God will work on behalf of your marriage. Your husband has free will, but God is persuasive. My husband was beyond done, and I, too, was selfish througout most of our marriage and my husband felt that I loved the kids and not him. God can heal and restore anything.
    You must have faith and hand it over…..and this is the HARD part: hand it over and don’t take it back to try and work on it yourself. Let God guide you, but hand the marriage over to God and pray for your husband’s mind, priorities, walk, your marriage, his trials….all of the things in that ‘the power of a praying wife’ book. I prayed most of the prayers daily.
    You can trust in God and in the meantime, pray for peace and joy and hope for yourself and live every day as if it is all you will have. Let God do the rest.
    I will pray for your marriage and know that it can be restored.
    D.W.

  15. kim wilkinson says:

    My husband and I have been married for 15 years. My daughter from a previous marriage got a brain tumor after being married only 3 years. We had an 11 month old son at the time. The next 3 years I was taking care of her and my son. Then she passed away at 14 years of age. I spent the next several years dealing with depression and I know I was not supportive of my husband. He now says he loves me but he’s not in love with me. There has been so much pain. I still love him. Our son is now 12 and I do not want a divorce. l’m praying for a miracle. Please pray for me.

  16. Darbz says:

    Me and my girlfriend have finally tied the knot after a semi great 17 years. My insecurities have alway been my demons and feel that they might have ended my marriage. On Feb 7 we got into a physical fight. We kissed and made up that night but the next day, the authorities showed up and made me leave, She’s been gone for almost 2 weeks and have not heard a word from her or our kids. Before the police showed up we were lying down on the bed and i told her that i loved her very much. I feel she’s not willing to fight for us anymore. why would she say ” I DO ” and now say I quit in this marriage? I miss her very much and I am lost. I recommitted myself to god and I have prayed and ask for him to forgive me for forgetting that he was always there and I have since then repented, but feel its not enough. I have prayed everyday and so hard that some nights my prayer ends up in tears, I ask the lord almighty to wipe the clouds in front of her heart so that she can forgive me and give this marriage a real chance. It hurts to think that I have failed as a husband and now i have failed our children. I can’t be my best if my best isn’t there.
    Please give me the strength and wisdom to over come this so that I may be the man she married.
    I need you in my Life GOD and I’m sorry commiting sins, please forgive me and help me in my time of need.

  17. Kim E. says:

    I too am in a mess … A mess created by my spouse and I throughout the last 10 1/2 years of our relationship and 7 1/2 years of marriage. However, this not being suprising considering I have ran from God for over 10 years even though my foundation is of Christian faith. When I say, RAN – I mean, “I can figure this out on my own. I can steer my ship. I’ve got a plan that will work. I can FIX my relationship with my husband. I can FIX his mood disorder through research, support groups and nagging … etc” ALL, being in VAIN of the True God that I should have been leaning on for direction instead of leaning on my OWN understanding which has inevitably gotten us into this shipwreck. When taking our life situation into our OWN hands – we have literally crushed eachothers spirits with harsh words, accusations, and rung out the last bit of love that we expressed to eachother. We have cut eachothers hearts out and served them to eachother bruised and beaten. The well … has run … dry. So, in hopes that I could salvage what little to nothing we have left and build the goodness back up in me, I went back to what I always knew – Jesus. Where else was I supposed to go? I have nowhere else. I have used every logical explanation up, every common sense answer, every worldly last resort(which is not where I should have turned to begin with).

    This is week 3 on my journey through Gods Grace. A journey I still am learning in BUT nonetheless, has changed my heart, opened my eyes, and transformed my bitter, angry and cold heart into a joy filled spirit(my husband is so frustrated with our situation and shut off towards me – he doesn’t believe it though). My soul finally has an underlined peace that only can be given from the True Savior a peace that drives me to look to Him each morning when I wake, each moment when I feel weak and each night as I wake to pray over my husbands broken ness. I know – the direction I’m walking, is the one I should have taken many years ago. I’m staying with my mom who is an absolute Godly support, soft Godly correction and Huge biblical motivation. I could not ask for a better place to be. And, although I miss my husband terribly & want nothing more than to go home and be with him … I know I am exactly where God wants me to be and that God can restore what we have abused.

    Although my direction and choice has been to turn to God … My husband has not expressed the same desire – he wants OUT. He wants to run, hide, bury his head in a hole and act as if I never existed. Its as if he believes his emotion brings him pain so, he’s cut me off. He has little to no hope that things will ever change between us (But, how could I blame him when we have repetitively re-visited this-with nothing ever repaired but further damaged so, everything in the world points to – FAIL. I’m thankful that I’m not putting my trust in the “world” any longer.) My flesh cries out when I hear&feel this cold heartedness from him – and his words&feelings cut like a sharp blade. But, I believe in a God that parted the Red Sea and walked on water. Why couldn’t this same God heal my broken, off in a ditch, close to the endge of a cliff marriage.

    And, as I continue my journey through Gods Grace … My hurting husbands needs healing, his heart needs to be made whole again and his spirit needs to be revived with JOY-a joy only our Heavenly Father can give us. Please, please, please pray for our fragile situation. I want NOTHING more than to re-unite in a healthy and joy filled marriage. And, I KNOW the only way this will be possible is it Gods Grace and Mercy are blanketed over us both. I really need the support and prayers.

  18. Mark says:

    I have read many of the comments from like couples going through similar situations. My wife recentely filed for divorce. Just unhappy how life has gone after 24 years of marriage and 3 children. Wants out on her own, tells me that we are through and to leave her alone. I have begged her to stay and work this out but wants nothing to do with it. We are both born again Christians. Basicially the pressure of raising children overwelmed us. I must say even though I love my wife I did put our children on a pedestal at the cost of my wife or even myself. I thought that I was being a good dad. I met their every desire at the cost of losing my marriage. My wife wants nothing to do with me now.

    How do I pray for help from God if she is not willing to pray the prayer to save our marriage? I understand that she has a free will however does God work around the free will issue in some manner? Please put us on your prayer chain and please pray that God gives me the wisdom to do the right thing? Thanks

    • Brad Clarke says:

      My dear brother… I want you to know that I am praying for you and your wife.

      I want you to know this truth… I want you to give your marriage completely to God. Then I want you to focus only on your relationship with God. Fall in love with your creator. When we lay ourselves down before Him and give ourselves completely to Him, He pours in to us His completeness.

      After 24 years of marriage, this did not happen over night… my guess is that you both have a lot of hurt to overcome and that only comes through the Father. He can restore your marriage, but He must restore you both individually first. Much like restore a piece of furniture or an old car, it has to be stripped down, taken completely apart, cleaned and finally put back together. While the process is tedious and painful, the end result is priceless and a thing of beauty.

      Please, know that I am hear for you and I will be praying for you. Please keep me updated and let me know if I can help you.

      Brad Clarke

  19. David says:

    I have been married for six and a half years. My wife’s faith has been so strong and mine like a straw in the wind. We have a beautiful four year old son who papered over some of the cracks in our marraige. I have behave selfishly and unreasonably in our marraige embarking on an affair, being greedy with money and contacting ex partners. I complained that my wife was being bullish and domineering treating me like a child. I used to equate marraige with a prison. My wife to her credit prayed that God would show her how to love me and she did. So when I left for six weeks she was devastated. I returned but soon got back into my usual way of behaving. Then in February this year I left again and have been away ever since. My wife asked what I wanted to do in April to which I replied I didn’t know. All I knew was that I didn’t want a divorce. Her mother asked me to make a decision in May and gave we a week in which to make it. I responded I wanted to come home and communicated this back to her. My wife approached me in turn and asked what I decided to do. I asked to come but instead of asking for forgiveness we argued. During my time of separation my wife has always worn her wedding rings and now isn’t, has let stay over when I needed to and when she needed me to look after our son. Now she refuses unless it’s the latter. She has now said she wants out and would meet with our pastor with me, although she did see him on her own.

    The negativity I felt for my wife has gone; stripped away. I love her. I went through three tortuous days when I hit rock bottom with feelings of intense anxiety and low mood. I texted every single Christian in my contacts to start praying I started to pray and am being looked after beautifully by my best friend and his wife. The on 8 June whilst I was asleep on a blow mattress in my friends lounge I felt a sense of elation I’ve never experienced I laughed I beamed and when I awoke God laid this on my heart. I took you here because of the changes you need to make. If you’d remained as you did your marraige would have followed the same course. All the if onlys are gone.

    I emailed my wife who is encouraging but I know doesn’t think I’m sincere. I am praying constantly and hoping for restoration. She has said you need to hold onto Jesus even if your prayers for our marraige aren’t answered. I feel ready to be the man I needed to be and just pray for a glimmer of hope. Prayers and encouragement would be so welcome.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Praying for you David…. Please, keep focusing on the Lord. Give Him control, lay it all down before the Throne. Allow Him to guide you and direct your paths.

  20. Jim says:

    God didn’t do a thing to save any of my marriages. Each of my divorces was the result of my wife’s family interfering with our marriages. My last wife conspired with her sister, who prayed for the breakup of my marriage, as well as conspired with fellow church members to desert me.

    God may hate divorce, but He doesn’t do anything to stop them. Jesus promised to do whatever we ask in His name provided it was in His Father’s will but evidently saving marraiges isn’t His will.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Jim,

      I am going to speak Truth into your life and into your situation right now. I pray that you hear it the way I intend it to be said, with love and compassion of someone who once felt exactly like you.

      God does care about your marriage and in fact, He cares some much about your marriage that He has given you instructions on how to have a successful marriage in His word. Often times we blame others for our short comings in life, I say this, because I used to do just that. However, I want you to do this… I want you to honestly pray and ask God first to forgive you for you bitterness and anger. Then I want you to ask Him to teach you how to love. Then I want you to surrender your life to him completely. You see, I don’t know you, but I do know that marriage is one of the most difficult things we can do, especially if we don’t read the instructions or have a model marriage to look at and/or a Godly couple to mentor you and your spouse. Our marriages must have God at the center of them in order for them to work like he designed them to.

      You must also do this and this was the hardest for me to learn…. Die to self daily. You see, God’s Word tells us that we are to love our wives as Christ loves the Church. Well, love like that comes in death, as it did for Christ on the Cross. Jesus was willing to lay down his life in order that we may have it. While we are not to die literally, but to our own desires. We must be willing to sacrifice our needs for the needs of our wives.

      Marriage is a funny thing…we get married a lot of times to fulfill our selfish needs and desires. And those desires and selfish needs leads us longing for other things when those needs are not met by that person. The needs (the void) must be filled by God and through God we love as Christ loved the Church.

      So to answer your statement… Yes, God still does save marriages and He still wants them. But we must be willing to submit to his authority and his instruction on how the marriage is to work.

      As far as asking for anything in the Father’s name and it being done… we must realize that our prayers to God are only going to be answered according to His perfect will for our lives. God answers EVERY PRAYER! Sometimes, it is just not how we want him to answer… much like a father and child. The father always answers the child, yes, no maybe, not now. The child often times does not like the answer or have the patience to wait.

      I would really encourage you to seek the Lord face down and ask him to teach you and help you to understand what he wants you to learn from this. Truly seek him and you will find him…

  21. kenya king says:

    what steps should I take if we are not living in the same home. I left my husband in feb. Of 2012. I love him dearly but just couldn’t take any more of his mental abuse & neglect towards myself & children. I beileve in God but my husband not so much. He says he loves me but we can’t talk to each other. I need the Lord to help me save my marriage. Please can you help guied me in the right direction!!!

    • Brad Clarke says:

      This is a tricky one Kenya King… however, if your husband is abusive, I would stay separated until he receives help. Love is an action, not a word. If he truly loves you, than he must be willing to get the help he needs to control his temper. You must stay firm and strong in the Lord. Love in his case, must be proven through action, by getting the help and then trust can start to be regained. I would also pray for your husband that God touch his heart and save him. This is we we are warned in God’s Word to be equally yoked. God can help you and your husband… but it takes submission to God and his authority on your marriage.

  22. paul williams says:

    What if you want your marriage to work and your spouse doesn’t seem to want it? Do I gi.ve up or keep trying? I believe God can do anything, but I am having a hard time knowing when to push or not push. I live my wife and desperately want my marriage to work

  23. anjanaa says:

    Sir,I m going thru a very bad phase in my married life….after 9 years of my marriage ,my husband has left me and filed for divorce…i still wants to save my marriage for my 7 yrs old daughter…..but he is very adamant not to reunite and wants divorce by hook or by crook….please guide me still i can save my marriage and how?

    • Brad Clarke says:

      saving a marriage for the sake of a child is not right. your marriage must be built on the foundation of Christ. After Christ, comes your spouse, then your children, then your outside ministries. I would encourage you, as I do with everyone on here, is to seek first the kingdom of God. That means seek out what God would have you learn from this from your end. Keep in prayer for you spouse. But from experience, the harder you push them, the more they will push away.

      1) set aside time, morning or evening and truly seek after God and ask him to show you what He wants you to learn. What is it God that you are trying to teach me.
      2) Ask God to teach you how to be a better spouse. What can I do to love or serve my spouse more God. (even when we think we are doing good in this area, there is always room for improvement)
      3) Fall in love with your Creator!
      4) let your child see your walk in this valley from a distance. It is very important how they see you respond in the midst of trials. It will help to strengthen their faith and your relationship with the child.

      Please keep us posted.

      Brad

  24. AV says:

    God bless
    I read your blog & comments & I see God has blessed you & given you so much wisdom. My husband & I have been together 13yrs & married 6 years. We have 2 daughters the youngest is 7 1/2mths. Right after she was born he began to be distant with me until one day I just confronted him & he straight out told me he didn’t want to be married anymore & didn’t love me or at least was not in love w me & will never be. After having a child & going thru mild PPD that was so hard to endure. I didn’t want to live & felt so lost & alone until one day I just surrendered my life to the Lord. This was almost 7mths ago & he came back once after begging him to do it for the girls but decided he couldn’t pretend to want this marriage & left once again. But this time around i had grown stronger in the Lord that I just let him go & gave my marriage & husband to God. Since then there is no doubt that the lord has filled me with incredible strength & peace but I haven’t stopped praying for my husbands heart & our marriage. Just recently things got worse for him financially & he confessed that he feels he has hit rock bottom & needed God. I silently rejoiced in the lord after hearing this yet did not press him only encouraged him to listen to God if he felt him calling. I invited him to church & left it up to him when he was ready. That was 2 wks ago but he has not mentioned anything else since. I sometimes get down bc I miss him & love him & want my family reunited more than anything. Do u have any advice to give me to encourage me? I pray daily for him & w his mother 2x a day if possible (she lives out of state) we lift him up in prayer every day & at church too. I know God gave us free will & I guess I fear that my husband, although obviously hears God’s call, may reject him. Help me pray that my husband Michael will accept Jesus Christ in his heart & surrender to his will.
    God bless you for all your encouraging & anointed words!

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Thank you for letting us know about your marriage. We will be praying for you and your entire family.

      It sounds like God is working on the heart of your husband. I would not change anything…. keep praying, keep encouraging, and keep showing him the Love of Christ. The best way to show someone the love of Christ, is to live it out. Another words, let him see Christ through you and all you do.

      God is working on him though… and I can tell you from my own experience… God is not done until he says he is done…. There was absolutely no hope in my marriage and no way of saving it… so I thought. God reached down and not just saved it… He transformed it. I believe God hears the cries of His children and I also believe that He loves marriage and that he loves when marriages are restored… It is a perfect picture of us and God, the Bride and the Bride Groom reconciled.

      God Bless you and know that you are being prayed for!

      • AV says:

        Good day!
        I wanted to give you an update as promised. Since I last wrote to you my husband has had the spirit of double mindedness & I have been praying non stop for him & our marriage. What I desire to see most is for him to come to Jesus & surrender his life to His will. The most recent event in this circumstance has been that my husband wants to take things slow & start to date each other again. He’s not sure of how he feels just yet but is willing to take things slow. I’ve been praying along with his mom & my Christian counselor, that God give him a new heart & spirit to open his eyes to the truth & bring him back home to his family. I give all the glory to God, he is a faithful & loving God & though the process has been painful & tested by time my faith has reminded in the Lord. Please pray for my hisbands heart. That all double mindedness & fear be cancelled in Jesus name. He is still living outside the home but pray that he decides his home is with me (his wife) & his family. Please feel free to give me any advice that will help keep my faith strong & wait on God’s perfect timing for the restoration of my marriage.
        Thank you so much for your prayers. May God bless you & keep giving you wisdom to minister to all of us who need encouragement.

      • Brad Clarke says:

        AV, this is a good day! We are and will continue to prayer for this journey. It might encourage you to know that me and my wife did the same thing. We slowly reconnected over time. Sometimes, slow and steady wins the race. Take time to enjoy this experience and each other all over again. Please keep us posted here!

        Brad

      • AV says:

        Thank you! That is encouraging. However my feelings are so strong & I struggle to walk in the spirit & not the flesh when it comes to him. Taking it slow & “dating” each other again without a true commitment in his part is not what God desires (according to my Christian counselor). I understand what she is trying to minister to me & I pray God gives me strength & wisdom as I embark in this journey with my spouse. How did you handle the emotions that come with the strong desire to reconcile w your spouse? Do you have any advice for me that perhaps would help me give him space as God keeps working on his heart. Thank you for your prayers.
        AV

      • Brad Clarke says:

        Yes, stay strong in the Lord. And I would agree with your counselor, until you husband is fully committed, the physical side should be put aside. During this time, you want to focus on getting to know each other again. Trust must be built back up between you.

        As far as advice, It was very hard for me to be honest. I had to completely trust in God and His plan. I had to put my emotions in check and focus on what God wanted me to learn. How He wanted me to grow. How He wanted “Me” to change. See, often times we focus so hard on the other persons mistakes or shortcomings that we completely miss ours. It was complete eye opener for me. I knew I had made many mistakes in my marriage, but honestly, I had to learn how to properly love my wife as God wanted me too. So He had to knock down all my walls and rebuild them the way He designed, not me.

        So in short, I would completely trust in God. See what He wants from you during this time. Stay strong in prayer and away from the physical side of the marriage relationship. Often we tend to think “sex” heals all wounds, but in cases like this, it often times makes them worse. Simply because we fall into the trap of love making and skip what it was we were supposed to learn from the experience. It is said that those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And that is so very true. If you both don’t learn from this like God wants you both too, it will happen again. You have to get to the root of the problem, and that takes time and patience. The physical side of the relationship will come again, in God’s timing, after all, He created it for us to enjoy with our spouses. But it must be put in order that He wants.

        Keep trusting in God and draw near to Him… For He tells us that if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us! James 4:8

        I really hope this helps encourage and strengthen you in this journey!

        God Bless you and feel free to ask questions, and please keep us posted!

        Brad

      • AV says:

        Thank you so much. This really helps put things in perspective for me. I will remember to draw closer to God during this time. I know He knows my heart & I want nothing more than to please Him & do things the way He wants so that He receives all the Glory when my marriage is healed & restored. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I know there is absolutely nothing impossible for God. To all who are going through trials in their own marriages, I say to you, be strong in the Lord & do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good & acceptable & perfect will of God -Romans 12:2 NKJV
        GOD BLESS!

      • AV says:

        Hello Brad
        I felt the need to write again. I just don’t know what to do anymore. My husband retracted once again & hasn’t called me in 4 days now. One day he wants to try & the next he doesn’t & he pulls back. I pray continually for his heart & try not to help God. I haven’t called him or bugged him about his change of heart but inside its tearing me apart. My counselor tells me I’m essentially enabling him to do this to me by allowing him to come & go as he pleases when he feels the need to fill his emotional voids & I must stand firm & stop allowing him to do this. We have 2 little girls in the midst Of all this & I just want him to wake up & come home. But I am beginning to believe he will never love me. I want to believe in God’s promises but I’m so confused as to what God is trying to teach me from this. I know it’s me who is allowing him to treat me like this not God…so what should I do? Should I just back off now once & for all. I need some new encouragement I just feel so discouraged right now.

      • DM says:

        AV, I feel compelled to respond to your post. I feel like I am being toyed with by my wife. Everything I have learned about my wife’s affair and her connection with her boyfriend, I had to find out myself by digging through phone records, which led to a hotel receipt from a one nighter with him while I was out of town, finding things like cards in my house that she bought for him, a secret phone that she got from work that I found, a secret email that I located in the computers history, the list goes on. I don’t know if an affair is part of your issue, but I think the situation may be the same as far as one spouse really wanting to fix things, and the other having the security at home while doing whatever they want to do no matter how much it hurts you/me. Our marriage was near perfect, there was an emotional disconnect with her which was never talked about, and by the time I started feeling “off,” it had already led to an affair and her falling in love with someone else. That’s the short version. Anyways, I just want to say when I read your post, I really felt for you. Like you, I also have two young children. I pray for my wife and my family everyday. I pray for God to touch her heart, but I also pray for him to lead me no matter what she does. I have left this up to God and in doing that, I have come to realize that I can only change myself, reflect on mistakes I’ve made about my priorities, learn from this, and become a better person. It’s painful now, but it will not be the end of our worlds if it doesn’t work out. In drawing myself closer to God, it will strengthen my family and my marriage if everything comes around and works out. If it doesn’t, I can’t change her. I can only continue to be the best person I can be, continue to set a good example for my kids. I tried to give my wife space and while doing that, I put up with a lot, because she continued her contact with him even after everything was out. I believe God will take care of you, just follow his lead. I hope things work out for you, whichever direction it goes. I guess that’s it. I hope it helped a little…Brad, sorry if I stepped on your toes here, that wasn’t my intention at all. I just feel like I’ve been there and I’ve learned a few things and wanted to share it.

      • Brad Clarke says:

        DM, No apologies needed… this is great! People need to hear our stories. That is where healing is, for not only you, but it helps others know that they are not alone! Far to often, we as Christians keep quite when something in our lives falls apart. We feel ashamed or like we are not the perfect little Christian. I have found in my life, that people need to hear our testimonies, whether from success or from failures!

        I started this blog for me, to track my growth from my successes and my belly flops and face plants. lol Little did I know that God would make this a worldwide ministry. God truly does use all things for His Glory. Romans 8:28

        So in short, feel free to reply to any and all post.

        *** Everyone:
        You are all free to reply to each other on here. That is why I changed the name of this blog to “Our Walk with Jesus”, we gain strength from our testimonies and God uses our stories to help other who are going through the same things.

        All I can say is, To God Be The Glory!!!!

      • Brad Clarke says:

        AV,

        Answer this question honestly. Do you gain your strength from your husband or from God? Man will always fail you… even at our best, we must remember that we are all sinners and we all fall short of the Glory of God. That is why, (If you read all the my replies) I always direct people to their knees and to God. You have to draw your strength from the Lord. He is the only one who can give you strength. I love giving advice and helping others, especially in marriages, but I directly people to their personal relationship with God first. That is because

        1: His is all we truly need
        2: His is our comforter, our healer and our redeemer
        3: If you relationship with Christ has a strong foundation, no storm in this life will shake you, because He is our Rock. For if we are grounded in Him, He will always give us the strength to stand.
        4: Learning and proclaiming His promises from His Word and embedding them in your heart, will serve you always. Meaning, the next time your face a storm in life, those promises are what you can hold on too and proclaim in the face of any storm.

        God promises are true and He is always faithful. Jeremiah 29:11 states, for I know the plans I have for you. Plans not to harm you, but plans for you to prosper.

        With all that being said, I am always here for you and I am praying for you! I know this is hard, believe me I know. But everything I say, is all based on what I have learned and what God’s word says!

        So my advice based on this information is, leave your marriage at the Cross and focus all your energy on God and His plans for you at this time. By focusing all your energy on God, He will guide you and direct your paths. He will give you the peace that no person can. Continue to pray for your husband, but leave the fixing to God. Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you (God Promise), seek Him and you will find Him (God Promise) and know that He will work our all things for good and for His Glory (God Promise). And He will never give you more than you can bare (God Promise).

        Stay Strong in the Lord and know that you are not alone!

  25. D.W. says:

    I would like to give you some encouragement as well. I, too, wrote to this site some time ago (D.W. on January 12, 2012) I can tell you that the work God has done in my marriage is nothing short of a miracle and also…would not be possible if I had not completely surrendered my marriage to God and stopped ‘taking it back’ and trying to force the outcome in MY time.

    My husband had moved out for 3 months, moved in, but wasn’t really here. It was in a large part due to finances/career…a lot of times I believe that the breakdown of a marriage from one partner only has a LOT to do with how that person is feeling about themselves. The very best things you can do are to continue to pray, listen to God speaking to you and give your spouse unconditional love. That was hard, but I did come to realize that I could love my husband in whatever way he needed…whether he was with me or not, loving or not, acting committed or taking his ring off…I loved him how I have loved our kids: how God loves us-completely without conditions.

    My husband changed LITERALLY over a day’s time in mid-April. When he talks about how things were now, he says that over a day or two, he had a ‘feeling that was overwhelming that where he should be and wanted to be was with me and the kids forever’ he doesn’t know where it came from, only that it was completely overwhelming and he knew without any question. That is God.

    Sometimes people become so empty that you just have to keep giving them love and not expecting any return because there isn’t anything in them at that point that they CAN give….they are empty.
    My husband felt EXACTLY as you said yours did. He said and did many hurtful things…but in the end, God took care of it. I knew in my heart we belonged together and we loved each other and that he felt broken and angry and hurt. Don’t expect this to be fixed in your time. God will fix it the way he sees best…there may be something for you to learn as well. I know for me, I was too assertive all the time and my husband didn’t feel he had a voice in our marriage or that I cared about his feelings. The truth is, he really never said his feelings, so I was more than happy to get my way not really realizing he wasn’t just ‘laid back’ but just trying to always please me at the expense of his own feelings. Our marriage is much improved now. I would have been sad for him to have reached the end of his life and really feel like I didn’t care about him. These type of problems usually come about to teach us something important about ourselves.

    Good luck and I will pray for you and your marriage. I know -truly- how difficult a time this is for you. Stay strong. Pray everyday. Meditate everyday (I usually fall asleep! But it does help me feel more connected to God and intuitive with my kids and husband). Take care of you! Exercise, drink plenty of water, eat healthy (if you don’t do those things…I didn’t before all this and I am healthier now). God can and DOES work miracles in marriages.

  26. D.W. says:

    Actually, I just realized I wrote my first post on here October 31, 2011…in the midst of my husband being gone. It seems a lifetime ago and it was absolutely healed on every level by God.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      yes DW i remember and praise God! i love hearing these precious stories of Gods healing. thank you for sharing.

      • DM says:

        Thank you for the uplifting story. I too, am having serious problems in my marriage. My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years. We were (and I believe still are) perfect for each other. We both work a lot of hours, we both were in school, have 2 kids, and somewhere along the way her emotional connection to me stopped, and she began having feelings for someone else. I am overcome with guilt for not stepping in and doing something about it when I knew something was “off”. I want to fix this, I don’t know where she is at. We are both believers, but I am terrified. I also feel tremendous guilt because although we are both believers, I feel I have failed at being a spiritual leader for my family. I want nothing more than for this to work. My priorities were a bit mixed up over the last few years, and we are feeling the effects of it now. Please pray for us and for my wife, and I will do the same. Thank You.

  27. Dave Sutherland says:

    Brad

    What if the other spouse will not try to ask God for help? Is she really giving into Satan and not GOD? I have used your prayer everday since I found your website, I dont want to give up but it hurts being the only one trying in the relationship. She tells me that GOD will forgive her for wanting a divorce but I don’t believe ti to be true. she will not talk to our Pastor what can I do I still have hope.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Dave,

      The hardest part of this is realizing that the other party has free will. Meaning, just like you and I, they have the God given freedom to say “no” to God. She is not fighting with you at this point, she is wrestling with God. My situation was the same and at the last second, literally, God reach in and touched her heart. I will tell you like I tell everyone on here… take this time to see what God is wanting to teach you. How He is wanting to draw you to himself. Lay your marriage, your wife and your desires at the foot of the Cross. And tell God, you know my heart, you know I want my marriage to be fixed and you know I trust in you even in the darkest valleys. I lay my marriage at your feet. If you want to fix my marriage, I know and believe you can. If it is your will for me to go through this and go through a divorce, I trust in your plan for me and claim your promise in Jeremiah 29:11 (For I know the plans I have for you (Dave), plans not to harm you, but plans for you to prosper.)

      Dave, I know your pain… And I can say that because I have been there personally. But more than that, God knows your pain more than anyone. He is forced to deal with rejection each and every second of every day. He has experienced the ones He loves so much that He gave His only Son to die for us, yet they walk away. He wants you to know that and understand that He understands what you are going through.

      Will your marriage be saved? I don’t know… But I do know that no matter what happens with your marriage, if you do all you can do and give it to God and literally lay it down at the Cross… then you will have peace moving forward knowing that it is between her and God…not you and her or you and God. God wants our obedience, in all things, even when it does not make sense.

      So my dear brother, trust one who has been down this road… God is the only one who can change her heart, you don’t (as much as I know you want too, cause I did too) have the power.

      I am praying for you and please, no matter what the result, know that God does love you and has a masterful plan for you and your life, even though it might not seem like it now. Please also keep us updated.

      In Him,

      Brad Clarke

  28. E says:

    Hello,

    I am not married yet, but I am engaged and am going through a similar situation as my fiance and I have been together for over six years. I was in graduate school though much of that and now she is completing her education and that… along with other aspects, have weakened our relationship. I wanted to ask if you think that God can work the same way in a relationship that is not bound my marriage yet… although the love and commitment that I have (and that she once had) is very strong (I won’t say it is exactly the same because the promises of marriage were not stated formally as they are in a wedding).

    You give good advice and the posts of others give me hope. I pray constantly and I have incorporated positive changes in my life. I will continue on that road and to give my problems to the Lord… although I feel guilty that doing so is sometimes difficult for me. I have a stronger relationship with God than she does and I guess that’s what I should pray for most of all. I hope is it ok that I seek advice here although I am not married. However, it seems appropriate as there is nothing more that I want than to spend the rest of my life with this woman, get married, and have a good marriage.

    Regardless, I just wanted to know if you thought that the same advice that you have given the individuals here would be appropriate for my situation. I sincerely thank you for the page, the replies, and the posts. Going through something like this, there are many ebbs and flows, many low points… and a website like this helps one to not give up when they may get close. Thank you.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      E,

      We are praying for you too.. While you are not married yet, being engaged is a form of marital commitment, so it is very hard when that goes bad. I would urge you, like everyone else here, take this time to focus on your walk with the Lord and come back to Him. In order to fully understand how to love, the way we are called to love in marriage, our hearts must always be broken for that of the Father.

      Secondly, our priorities must be in line. While work and degrees are good and important, they should never take the place of relationships. It will leave one or both feeling rejected and hurt, which leads to bad choices and hardened hearts. God first, our spouses second, and everything else in line from there. If you get those mixed up, it will always led to heartache and trouble inside the relationships.

      Pray and ask God to show you your priorities… then ask Him to teach you how to love the way we are called to love. Pray for you fiance and lead by example not words. Love is an action and a choice, each and every moment of everyday. Praying for you and please keep us updated.

  29. MC says:

    After 10 years of a troubled marriage, I am facing the devastating news that my husband is having an affair and has separated from me. I can easily compare this to the death of a loved one. It has been15 days now, and the lump in my throat is still there. I can hardly eat and it’s hard to swallow. He has not left the home yet, but he spends nights out and I just don’t know how to act when I am around him. I have been friendly but giving him space. I have gone through the despair, rage, begging, pleading mode, and I know now that my actions may have pushed him even further away. After taking inventory and much praying and reading, I do admit I was partially co-responsible for the failure of this relationship. He said that I expected too much from him and that he could never be my spiritual leader. That he was disrespected too much and too many times, although he admits his culpability as well. It has been a wake up call for me. My husband’s heart seems to be hardened and unwilling, and I know that only God can change that. I am thinking of leaving the country to stay with family, since he says needs his space, and we cannot afford two separate places. I am trying to listen from God if this is the right thing to do. I love my husband, and he says he loves me. He has not mentioned divorce. And I am praying my marriage will be restored. We have allowed Satan to damage our lives and our marriage, and I pray this is not beyond repair. In the name of Jesus.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      MC, we are praying for you and your marriage. It always takes two… while that is hard to hear, it is the reality. We are all sinners who have fallen short of the Glory of God. While there is never a reason to have an affair, it can be overcome with love. That love that is will take must come from the Author of Love… God. His Word tells us that if we seek Him we will find Him, even in separation or divorce. Don’t give up on your marriage. Take this time to allow God to work on you and your heart. Healing you from the inside out. Fall in love with God and Jesus and ask Him to teach you how to love your husband. Pray for your husband, but take this time to God to work on you too. I had to do the very same thing. Nothing is impossible with God… Nothing! God wants and desires for your marriage to be one that brings Him honor and glory. And just because it seems bleak now, its not over. We are praying for you! Please keep us updated on your marriage.

  30. publisher Amy Waterman has all the strategies necessary to facilitate resolving conflicts, increase self esteem, understand
    forgiveness, and re ignite the appreciation that you both once felt.
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    • Brad Clarke says:

      I also believe God gives us resources, such as these with Amy Waterman, to equip us and help strengthen our marriages. However, we must make sure that it is completely in line with God’s Word. I have not read anything written by Amy Waterman. I have however, read God’s Word. He gives us a clear blueprint on what marriage is supposed to be and what it is not to be. The problem that we all face, is that we turn from God’s Word and start living with our own selfish desires and ambitions. That is Truth! We all have our faults and traits. We all have baggage that we have brought into our marriages, whether we realize it our not. And when you have two imperfect people coming together to make one flesh, it can be challenging at best. In order to make our marriages last and our marriages strong, they must be built on God’s Word and His promises. It also requires us to lay down our own desires for that of our spouses. Love is sacrifice… Just as Jesus dead for us, we must be willing to die to ourselves for that of the ones we love. Self help books are good, but God’s Word is the ultimate authority over everything, including our marriages. After all, the relationship between us and Christ is mirrored after what marriage is to be.. ie, the bride and the bridegroom.

  31. Ed says:

    Please pray for Kylie and Ed….marriage looks very hopeless…this article though it was written awhile back has brought forth new hope. I know God can do anything.

  32. jeremy says:

    Me and my wife are seperated for a second time. She wants divorce and thinks there is too much damage done…..i suspect she is seeing someone else…..i’m praying like crazy but she dosent seem to care. i am i music minister at a church so it is so hard to deal with being alone all the time….please what can i do??

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Jeremy,

      thank you for reaching out… as a minister, I know it can be very hard with situations like this. I want to first encourage you to hold tight to your faith. As you know, there is not one of us who is not tested. Jesus Himself was tested. But when He was tested, He got on His knees and prayed. I want you to do the same.

      Marriages can be very hard, especially for ministers and their spouses. The demand we as lay people put on you is very hard. I also want you to do something… I want you to take some time to reflect on the your ministry and your marriage. Which do you spend the most time on? This is nothing more than a reminder that we must remember that our first ministry is our family. Even if you serve in a church as a staffed minister, your first responsibility is your relationship with God, then your spouse, then your children and then the church body. You might already have that in order, but I would still encourage you to take some time and reflect on that. See if there has been a time where your wife needed you that you were not there.

      Woman need to be comforted. They need to know that we are always there for them, even if it means canceling something else, even with the church. If we as men don’t, they will (like anyone else) find it somewhere else.

      As far as your damage. I remember (like yesterday) thinking there was no way my marriage could ever be saved. I tried every trick in the book to get my wife to come back. I pleaded and pleaded with her and all I did was push her further away. We must seek first the Kingdom of God. That means take some time to see what God is trying to teach you in the midst of this storm. Focus on your relationship with Him. Give your marriage to God, completely… pray for your wife.

      We will be praying for you and please, keep us posted and let us know what we can do to help!

      In Him,

      Brad

      • jeremy says:

        I just feel like i pray and pray and nothing changes…….i’m trying to clean everything out of my life and be as close to God as i can……..and i KNOW he is listening but i see no change in her.

      • Brad Clarke says:

        It takes time brother… this situation didn’t happen over night, but over time is my guess. So it will take time to heal. But you must remember, He promises, if we seek Him, we will find Him! We also know that God is for marriages. He doesn’t want people getting divorces. He even shows us in our relationship with Him (The Bride and the Bridegroom).

        My brother, trust me on this… I know how hard this is on you, but you have to be strong and trust in God and His timing. If you do everything in your power to save your marriage, most importantly, giving it completely to Him, if she walks away, then it is between her and God. God gives us the power to choose… she can choose to listen to him or not. But you must realize that she is in His hands too. God loves you brother and wants what is best for you and He knows what is best for you, even though you might not think so right now.

        We are praying for you and please keep us posted!

  33. Angela says:

    Bless You Brad:

    I stumbled onto your website as I am interceding on behalf of my marriage. God has clearly told me to stand and pray and that He would restore my marriage. Yet I am so broken and devastated with pain, rejection and abandonment, that somedays are much more difficult then others. After 24 years, My husband left about 2 months ago, (all of his things are still in the house), he took a bag of clothes and he’s staying with his mother. No mention of divorce – just that (it’s over) (and he doesn’t want me to be his wife anymore). I have made my share of mistakes, most just being selfish. Not intentional, but damaging nevertheless. I have fasted, prayed, repented, backed-off, zipped the lips and submitted. Way down deep I know God can do anything. He comes to see the kids, but we don’t talk often and it’s very distant. He constantly hints that it’s over and that I love him more than he loves me and that he is not happy. More than anything I know he has walked away from the Lord and there is hardness there, (bitterness, anger, cursing, rage). Since he has free will, which he has said often, what exactly am I praying for still….he has to want to respond to God and repent right? How does that happen if his will is not to surrender, no matter what I pray? God Bless you, I have a bit more hope today!

  34. Blessed Life says:

    I am going through something similar to the posts I’ve seen here. My husband and I have been together for 3 years, married for two. We have no children together. Recently, I took him to work one morning and he just left. Never came home. He went to go live with his natural son’s mother. Came by, got his belongings and I haven’t seen him since. Now the other woman and him are treating me like l am nothing. But you know, it’s o.k. Nothing good ever comes out of situations like that, They lack conviction. I know that God is putting me in this situation for a reason. I may not fully understand it yet, but He always has a way of teaching us something, showing us something that in the end will benefit us for He will never forsake us. I pray for my husband everyday for he know NOT what he is doing. I pray for my husband everyday no matter what he is doing, I am supposed to love him unconditionally. I pray for my husband everyday that he is safe. I pray to God everyday to touch my husband’s heart and trouble his mind. I also pray that God does whatever He see fit for me and my marriage. I know that He can do anything, revive anything. And even if my marriage does not survive, I can feel comfort, knowing that I am doing all I can and that He knows what’s best for me. I can live with that.

  35. Craig says:

    My wife and I have been together for almost 12 years. 10 married. Together we have 3 kids. A yours, mine and ours. I had one from a previous marriage and she had one from a previous marriage as well. And we have a 9 year old together. We had a rocky time in 2009 and worked things out and things were getting better all the time and especially this past May when I noticed we were at a great place. Then in July she says that she is no longer feels the same way for me. I Love you, but not in love with you bit. I have been praying so many times a day and have a closer relationship with God. My biggest frustration is that she doesn’t even want to try. She loves our family but she doesn’t want to try and get us back to where we were. I can’t understand how she can say that she loves here family and NOT want to work on us. It is driving me crazy, because I love her with all my heart and want to work it out. I have prayed som many times but do not see her softening in wanting to try………….

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Craig,

      I know that feeling.. My wife and I tried several times. She would want me back, then she would change her mind. What I learned, you can’t force someone to stay if they don’t want to stay. And you can’t force someone to love you. I will tell you like I tell everyone on here…. draw close to the Lord during this time. He is our healer and our comforter. Allow Him to heal your heart. And forgive your wife… as Christ has forgiven you. She is in a spiritual battle it sounds like, so pray for her. When I began to pray for my wife, not based on my wants for our marriage, but based on her relationship with God, I began to see things as God sees them when it came to her.. and honestly, still to this day when I pray for her, He opens my eyes to see what she is truly feeling and going through. You can’t fix her, only God can!

      Continue to focus on your relationship with Christ, while leaving your marriage at the Cross. Say God, I can’t fix this marriage, only you can. You know my heart and that I love my wife. You also know that I want my marriage to work for your Glory, but if you choose to allow me to go through this valley, please walk with me and show me your path that I may bring you honor and glory. Please be with my wife and comfort her during this time, as I know she is in a spiritual battle. But above all else, let thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Amen.

      You will probably have to say this prayer multiple time a day, everyday, but as you do, you will find a peace that no one can describe.

      We are praying for you!

  36. roxanne says:

    Hi there I have been a christian for 7yrs I married a non beliver tried to take him to church but it didn’t work now we have split up do think that there is hope that he will change

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Roxanne, there is ALWAYS Hope when you lay your burdens down at the Cross. God hears the cries of His children. Lay your marriage at the cross. Only God can change a persons heart. Keep praying for you spouse and keep being a light, not a Bible thumper. Lead by example in all you do.

  37. DW says:

    My wife and I have been together for almost 8 years. We were both married before and I had four children and she did not have any. We have been the closest of friends and have had the best relationship up until a few weeks ago. Without going into details, we had a disagreement that was completely my fault and it just happened to be the last straw. She told me that she has realized that I have control issues and that they have been small things over the years but it was now too much. I didn’t realize this and we discussed it in depth. I have insecurities from my past marriage and other relationships where I was cheated on and that has made me say and do things without knowing I am doing them. My past insecurities cause me to want to control things so I will not get hurt again. That is not my wife’s fault, it’s mine. She knows this is from my past and not her but she has been hurt and is now tracking back to all the things that she can recall that add up to now. I have admitted and acknowledged my issues with insecurities and am now seeing a counselor to learn how to cope with it. We are both Christians and attend church, but our walk has not always been what it should. I know that is a problem as well. I have really drawn closer to God over the past two weeks and have learned more about myself during that time than ever before. My wife has told me that I have to fix myself and be happy with myself and not focus on us or her right now. She can’t tell me that she is committed to our marriage or to us because she doesn’t know if I will change. God has already changed me and will continue to heal my past and how I feel about myself, I just want her to believe in me and not give up on us and our marriage. She is still in the house and still hugs me and tells me she loves me. She says just needs some space of her own right now because she has been hurt. And I have been going overboard with being attentive to her because I messed up. No mention of divorce or someone leaving…she even told me the other day “I am not going anywhere…where would I go?”. I guess I am just scared that she may decide to just leave without giving me the chance to show her that I have begun to change and will continue to do so. I had no clue I had a problem until now. God knew this day was coming and it hit me square in the face and showed me how I had been treating her without even knowing it. I am not sure if she has been really laying our marriage before God or if she is trying to cope on her own. She says she prays each day several times a day, but why don’t I see it in her? How do I act like I am good and happy when things are not the same inside our home? She says to give her space and let her be the one to come to me with affection. That is so hard when you love someone and want to show them. But she has been hurt and her emotions are crazy now as well. Please pray that God will work within both of us to heal me and my past with insecurities and to heal the hurt I have caused my wife that is keeping her from me right now. Please pray we both submit to God’s will within our marriage and that we give it to him completely. I am doing this….just not sure she is.

    • DW says:

      My wife and I have been together for almost 8 years. We were both married before and I had four children and she did not have any. We have been the closest of friends and have had the best relationship up until a few weeks ago. Without going into details, we had a disagreement that was completely my fault and it just happened to be the last straw. She told me that she has realized that I have control issues and that they have been small things over the years but it was now too much. I didn’t realize this and we discussed it in depth. I have insecurities from my past marriage and other relationships where I was cheated on and that has made me say and do things without knowing I am doing them. My past insecurities cause me to want to control things so I will not get hurt again. That is not my wife’s fault, it’s mine. She knows this is from my past and not her but she has been hurt and is now tracking back to all the things that she can recall that add up to now. I have admitted and acknowledged my issues with insecurities and am now seeing a counselor to learn how to cope with it. We are both Christians and attend church, but our walk has not always been what it should. I know that is a problem as well. I have really drawn closer to God over the past two weeks and have learned more about myself during that time than ever before. My wife has told me that I have to fix myself and be happy with myself and not focus on us or her right now. She can’t tell me that she is committed to our marriage or to us because she doesn’t know if I will change. God has already changed me and will continue to heal my past and how I feel about myself, I just want her to believe in me and not give up on us and our marriage. She is still in the house and still hugs me and tells me she loves me. She says just needs some space of her own right now because she has been hurt. And I have been going overboard with being attentive to her because I messed up. No mention of divorce or someone leaving…she even told me the other day “I am not going anywhere…where would I go?”. I guess I am just scared that she may decide to just leave without giving me the chance to show her that I have begun to change and will continue to do so. I had no clue I had a problem until now. God knew this day was coming and it hit me square in the face and showed me how I had been treating her without even knowing it. I am not sure if she has been really laying our marriage before God or if she is trying to cope on her own. She says she prays each day several times a day, but why don’t I see it in her? How do I act like I am good and happy when things are not the same inside our home? She says to give her space and let her be the one to come to me with affection. That is so hard when you love someone and want to show them. But she has been hurt and her emotions are crazy now as well. Please pray that God will work within both of us to heal me and my past with insecurities and to heal the hurt I have caused my wife that is keeping her from me right now. Please pray we both submit to God’s will within our marriage and that we give it to him completely. I am doing this….just not sure she is.

  38. Mark Venable says:

    Our 16 year old disabled son crashed into a horrible psychological illness(basically went crazy) ten years ago. My wife and I both struggled in sorrow and depression. She kicked me out of the house a year ago, threatening to divorce me if I did not move out. She has now filed for divorce. We have been married for 28 years. We are both Christians and we have 3 other children. I am praying for a glorious reconciliation of our marriage.

  39. James says:

    My wife is all but done as well. I do know the last 2 years of our 6 year marriage have not been great. We never put God first in our marriage, and I never was even saved. I always believed, I just never committed. Which I now know doomed our marriage. That changed of course this past summer, when I knew I needed a change. Now I am very happy that I came to God, but I feel like my wife is slipping away. She says God would not want her to be unhappy, and that I had my chances. Which is fair, but I still am tore up over this. I want nothing more than to have a happy marriage and family. We have a beautiful 4 year old daughter, and I wish nothing less for her. I really don’t know what to do, I know she is talking to other guys on dating sites, and feels as if someone else can make her happier. She isn’t in love with me anymore. I know I can’t force her to do anything. It just is a struggle for me. Thanks for everyone else sharing their stories, I hope all ends well for everyone.

  40. John says:

    what you think about this? its from John Piper
    <>
    i was asking if two people who do not believe or know God they get married based on illusion etc… if actually it is from God?

  41. John says:

    “Therefore what God has joined together [the declaration], let no man separate [the command].” The declaration is that marriage is the work of God. “What God has joined together . . .” The union of marriage is something that God does. It is not just a human decision. Or a human tradition. This is true even for people who don’t believe in God. Marriage is something God does, not just man.

  42. Ken says:

    Hi,
    I’m asking for prayer for me and my wife, Tina. We have been married for almost 20 years and have been separated for almost two. We have two wonderful children, a 21 year old daughter in college and a 17 year old son in high school. My wife left me in April of 2011 after me having several affairs. There is no excuse for my behavior, I could give all the “worldly” reasons, but the simple truth is I sinned before God and broke my wedding vows to the one person I vowed to lie down my life for. Since then, I have repented and asked forgiveness from her and from God. God has been faithful and just to forgive me like His Word promised; my wife on the other hand, “Says” she has forgiven me but her actions indicate something totally different.

    I know and understand that she has free will to never come back if she so chooses BUT I also know that God can and does touches hearts and restore broken homes and mend hurting marriages. Right now, she doesn’t even want to entertain any discussion outside our children. In most cases, our conversations are filled with a lot of anger from her. I refuse to give any life to the notion of us dissolving our marriage (I use that term because I also refuse to speak life to that other “D” word). I love my wife with all my heart and with the exception of God, there is no other relationship more important to me. I live every moment as the husband God meant for me to be (like I should have been doing all the time) but providing any needs that she may have (even when in most cases there is not gratitude from her), praying and covering her every day and being always available to her. Believe me, this is truly an one sided interaction, whereas she has my phone blocked from her apartment, she changed her cell phone number so that I don’t have it and even though I have actually paid a few bills for her, I have NEVER been invited or inside her apartment (I strongly believe in the power of words, that is why I refuse to refer to her apartment as “home”).

    Please join me in prayer that God will touch and soften her heart and that she will be willing to give our marriage another chance. Pray for her salvation as well, because she hasn’t attend any church services still April of 2011 either.

    Thank you for your prayers, encouragement and support.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Ken,

      Thank you for you humbleness and honesty. I will be praying for you and your marriage, as well as your children.

      I want to say just a few things. One, you are doing the right thing by not making excuses for your actions. Two, I know your wife is very hurt. I have been in her shoes and I know the pain that comes from the affairs of our spouses. With that being said, you just need to allow God to help heal her heart. Don’t pressure her, but lift her in prayer daily. And while you are ready to move on with your marriage and give it another shot, broken hearts take time to heal. I don’t want to hurt you by saying this, but I need to speak honestly. When an affair happens, it is the ultimate act of betrayal for the other. Marriage is the union that makes a husband and a wife one before God. When affairs happen, the other spouse often times feels abandoned, worthless, hurt, betrayed, ugly…. you name it, and they are feeling it.

      With that being said, there is only one who can truly heal that brokenness of the heart and that is the healer, Christ! But it does take time. Especially given the fact that you have been married for so long. Because in her mind, she is most likely thinking how many and how long have I been deceived by this?

      Again, I am sorry, I don’t want to come across rude, but out of love, I must speak honestly and straight forward.

      As for your walk, keep seeking the Lord in all you do during this time. Lay your marriage at the Throne of Christ and then seek Him whole heartedly for your own life. Find out who He made you to be during this time of healing. Allow Him to heal your heart too… Because my best guess is, that there is something that God wants to fix in your heart too. Only you and God know what that is, but there is some hurt in your past that needs to be dealt with and that only God can heal you from.

      I want you to know that you will be prayed for and that I am here to help any way I can. You may also email me anytime.

      In Him,

      Brad

  43. Mike says:

    I just came across this site. I ask that anyone here pray for my marriage, my wife says she loves another man and wants a divorce. I am in Afghanistan and feel so hopeless… I love my wife and marriage more than I can even explain. Our marriage was not based on Christ but I really want all that to change. She says she has lost faith in God too, please pray for her to come back to him. I want my family back based on a relationship with our Lord.

    Thank you,
    Mike

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Mike,

      I am so sorry to hear this… but please know that you are being prayed for and so is your wife. Are you in Afghanistan serving our country? If so, I want to thank you for your service. I am hear to help any way I can.

      Brad

      • Mike says:

        Brad,

        Thank you for your prayers, this is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. I am keeping faith in God but I also know she has to open her heart back to him and our marriage.

        Mike

    • hollandconsulting@gmail.com says:

      God can save a marriage. However, it still takes both the husband and wife to be willing to work through their problems. In my situation, it appears I am the only one willing to work on them. I do not know what God has in store for my future. But, ill remain steadfast in his grace and pray for my wife even in the face of divorce .

      Maybe you too will say a prayer for my marriage?

      Thank you Jason

      Sent From iPhone IV

  44. bamrelish@gmail.com says:

    Well now I guess I will have to relate my story. I committed my life & marriage to God but I guess he was just to busy to honor what I had committed to Him. He failed in His Promise and committment to me and my wife.

    • Brad Clarke says:

      God did not fail you. God loves you and promises that He will never leave you nor forsake you. You have to remember, just as it takes 2 people to agree to marry, it takes 2 to want to stay together. God gives us the power and the freedoms to choose. To choose His way or our own. My guess is, that you wife has left and you are hurting because of that decision she made. But don’t mistake her leaving for God failing you. You can commit to honoring God through you marriage and truly intend to keep and work on that commitment. However, if the other person decides not too, you can force them to stay.

      God’s promises are true. And He tells us that if we seek Him, we will find Him. Are you up for that challenge? I have put God to the test against His word by praying scripture back to Him about His promises. He has never let me down. It might not be exactly what I thought it would be, but it has always been EXACTLY what I needed. You see, God’s ways are not like ours. He knows everyone of our needs based on His plan and purpose for our life.

      God is never to busy for you and your prayers. He is never not going to honor His Word nor His promises. He loves you more than anyone who walks this earth. And while people may fail (and they will) He will never fail you.

  45. Yolanda says:

    Hi Brad,

    I just came across your website and want to say I’m really down right now.. At times I can’t get up..I have been married for 4 years and together about 9 years.. My husband has been cheating on me off and on since we have been together..He only has admitted to 1 of them in which he has been caught before we married.. he text,sex text msgs to other women and does things on twitter he should’nt..he has lost several good jobs because he does this on the job and now has been out of work for 3 years now.. He now owns his own business that isn’t doing well.. We have been to 3 counselors and 1 through our church… I am always the one in the wrong because I accuse and put him down constantly.. I wake up wondering who he is going to cheat on me today and I go to bed wondering what he did the whole day.. he leaves for more than 5 or 6 hrs and tells me he is watching the game with the boys.. when he comes back he reaps of sex and perfume.. I get so sicken at times I feel I want to lose it.. I don’t know who does this and why to someone they love.. he denies and has been caught at slum motels by other family members.. I often fear for my own life because I don’t know what he will bring home.. he is either drunk or high when he comes back.. I pay for alot around our home and provided Christmas for our whole family.. He has 3 children by 3 different women.. I have 3 son from a previous marriage.I’m 42 and he is 36, it so hard because I am always giving and he has nothing to contribute at times.. Unless he gets a bid to remodel a home.. he always has gas and money for beer and weed and motel rooms.. but nothing to help save our home or marriage.. I had a birthday after Christmas and we went out for dinner and I had to foot the bill on my day.. I’m so angry as I am a born again Christian and filled with his holy spirit… I have been saved by God twice in car accidents.. I Love God with all my heart and soul and thank him for all he has done for the good and bad.. pray for me pls

    I believe God can save my marriage and believe this is not my husband a spirit.. I try to be a proverbs 31 wife but this is like so hard to keep from losing it or hurting him.. he just wrote me a letter and said we not happy and its because of me talking down to him everyday and making him feel less of a man or a child when I ask his where abouts.. he says he isn’t cheating and I have no proof and will never have any..he say if I don’t change him and his kids are gone.. either we separate or divorce.. he evn said he does not like being here around me but anywhere is better than being around me because of my questioning him and accusing.. He can’t take anymore I change Today or he is gone.. I was blown away! I do love him and no God can change him but he doesn’t believe in his mind that he is cheating.. I about to loose my mind.. I know God loves me and hears me.. His word is true.. Please help prayers are needed.. I don’t want to hurt him or myself never.. in the past I would fight but know I pray and rebuke.. I feel embarrassed to be around our familes because everyone knows and thinks I’m stupid.. I’m not I thank God for him and know that God can fix it and we will be able to help someone else.. that is the testimony I want.. sorry so much i just needed to get it out.. I’m crying myself to sleep and he is beside me passed out and may have just left another woman.. I just ask for strength and to keep my faith as I am losing it slowly..

    • Brad Clarke says:

      Yolanda,

      First I want to say that we are praying for you. Second, I am going to say something that you won’t hear me saying very often and that is you need to leave and at the very least separate from him NOW!

      There are many reasons why I say this. One, if he has been caught multiple times and still “chooses” to do this with other women, he has no remorse or feeling to how he is hurting you, which Biblically gives you grounds to divorce him. Two, You are correct, every time he does this with other women, you are running the risk of catching a disease. Third, if he is doing drugs and probably bringing them home, you are also going to get into legal trouble if the police were to come to your home.

      You need to find someone to stay with, family or friends and leave today! This man needs to realize the error of his ways and often times that only comes when we hit rock bottom. You also need to realize that you have no power to change his heart… that is something ONLY God can do. So even though you separate yourself from him, continue to pray for him and ask God to do whatever it takes for his heart to be changed.

      ** VERY IMPORTANT**
      If his has a history of violence, get a restraining order put into place immediately for your own protection. Sometimes when people are faced with the reality of the situation (especially when drugs and alcohol are involved) they snap and act and do things in desperation.

      After that is done, I want you to find a Christian based counselor (sometimes found through the church, so contact your pastor or local church) and get counseling for yourself. You have gone through an awful lot and need to talk and share with an unbiased person who will give you Godly advice and Biblical counsel.

      We will continue to pray for you and for your husband. And know that we are here to help in any way we can.

      Brad

      • Yolanda says:

        Brad,
        Thank you for your prayers as I do need them…. I also want to say it wasn’t my husband who was violent, It was me.. when he get caught cheating I would snap.. That is why I’m glad to be a born again christian.. Now when i think he is out cheating, I just cry and pray and ask God to give me strength so i won’t result back to violence.. That is another one of the reasons he claims he wants to leave me.. Either way it is not right whom ever did it, in a situation where you trust you love it should never be this way.. I use to react that way when he hurt me.. My husband did’nt take our vows seriously! As far as his alcohol and smoking goes.. I don’t think he do something so crazy to bring in my home.. I have my kids and his, my grandkids.. It would not be a good thing at all..That is why he stays gone for so long.. I think he does it away from our home.. The women he comes in contact with enjoy it to I guess. I am getting closer to God and he don’t find me attractive or fun..My house has been blessed so many times to keep evil out but yet it is still drama.. I wish there was some place for me and my kids and grandkids to go.. thing is since I take him back no one wants to do anything or here about it.. they sit and wait and say “please lord don’t let her kill this man”.. I would never because my kids need me and God will not allow me to go that far.. i pray all day long I don’t lose my mind.. my eyes are red and swollen daily.. He says nothing just ignores..It’s like we are roomates.. He doesn’t touch me at night so I believe Gods is protecting me..So if he catches anything it will be on him.. I truely believe he is already gone..he never tells me he loves me unless i say it first but his has no meaning behind it..I don’t know what i have done to deserve to be treated this way.. when I come in a room he wants to leave.. If I ask him a question he yells.. so much verbal abuse..I’m a child of God how can this be happening to me another failed marriage behind some kind of abuse.. Am I not worthy of a God fearing trustworthy loving kindfull of the lord real christian man..Oh! I for got to mention he goes to church and he is the coach over our youth with other Real christian mean….He has been out of town and not let me go apart of it.. Yea he is out there mentoring young boys and trying to talk to the single moms… Neither of us wear our rings because he says it’s not a marriage and I have thrown them at him one to many times.. I let him talk me into filing ch 13 last year and that will put me in a bigger bind if I walk away from my home.. How can he not love his wife as God love the church? I’m so angry, because his mom gives him money for gas as he says but he uses it for play time.. So I thank you for listening and for your advice.. Please keep me and my family in your prayers.. I know what I have to do.. I just ask God to give me the strength to do it..

  46. John P. says:

    Been fighting for my marriage and family for almost a year and a half. God has been with me the whole way, but recently got lured back to the USA (was in Australia last 3years) only to be served divorce papers. Now I’ve discovered wife is probably NOT saved, she’s in an adulterous affair, I’m homeless and staying with a friend, financially crippled from wife doing this, my 17-yrold daughter is in hell and begging me for us to go back to Australia where she was happy and so was I, and I’ve also figured out my wife probably has a serious mental disorder causing all this, but would likely not get help because it’s everyone else’s fault but her own… a symptom of the disorder. It’s “sin” anyway you look at it. I managed to drag this divorce out, but it has now gotten to the point where my wife has cut communication and wants this over so she can be “happy” with new affair. Mother in-law also sick and behind this. Possibly generational curse.

    God has grown me, but I am getting to the point where my hope for wife hangs by a thread. And I would go back to Australia with daughter, but legally cannot. And daughter’s self-esteem crashes. I cannot hear clearly from God anymore and am stuck/paralyzed. I need help! Pray for clarity, strength, and wisdom. I want to go back to Australia, but believe God possibly has me in holding pattern. HELP!

  47. Karla says:

    Hi Brad,
    I would love for you to please pray for my marriage. I worked in real estate and lost my job but since I couldn’t find another one I started nannying for a family behind his back. I lied about it for a year and so now he said he wants a divorce. I know what I did was wrong and like many people, if I could go back in time I would of NEVER done that. I suggested everything I could possibly think of but he keeps saying that divorce is a done deal. We’ve been married since June 2010 and were together for about 8 years before that. I believe he’s the love of my life otherwise, I don’t believe God would of brought us back together all those times we broke up. As a believer in Christ I know divorce isn’t the answer and I know he knows that too but once he sets his mind on something it’s really hard for him to change it. The papers are already filled out and signed, the only thing that’s left is to take the papers down to the courthouse and turn them in. I would really appreciate it if you could please pray for us. I’m putting my trust in God that my husband changes his mind…
    ~ Karla

  48. Trinelle says:

    I am going though so much of the same things I have been reading from others. My husband asked for a separation and filed papers as well. I have given it to the Lord and I try to step aside but I feel hopeless. My 2 children are suffering badly because of this all and my 3year old son who was fully potty trained has gone back wetting on himself a lot. I have lost almost 30lbs in the last 5 weeks and my stress is just unbelievable. I do love my husband and want him back. He has told my mom he wanted to get help to try to see if we can work it out as well as told that to a pastor friend of ours but then he tells me how he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He did decide to start seeing my couselor and has been once and has another appointment. but he says he is so lost and broken that he doesn’t want me anymore. I am confused and so hurt for me, my family and my kids. I just ask for guideance and prayer! I need it so bad. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get my husband back. He says we just never agree. when I asked him if we were gonna try to get back together after fixig some thing in couseling he said that I just want answers and I just want him to come back why are you trying to control me. He said he hurt and when i asked him why he said cause he is losing his wife family, home and all that he invested in our relationship. then when I told him me and the kids aren’t gone we are in the house and he can come home anytime he said i was trying to control him again. I just don’t know what say anymore. I love my husband so much!

  49. Noel says:

    Brad,
    My husband moved out two weeks ago. We are high school sweet hearts( 23 years) and been married 11 years. Our youngest child is 18. This is actually his second time moving out. Last time I was so dramatic. I would not talk to him, ignored him and really tried to make him feel bad about leaving our family. Back then I did not have a close relationship with Jesus so I was doing what I though would guilt him into staying with us. During the first time he left I really grew in the word and with my relationship with Jesus. He returned home 6 months later. He was back 8 years and decided he was unhappy with our lives and needed to leave. He blamed the failing of our marriage on me ( I do except responsibility for my part in the breakdown in our marriage). This time around I prayed when he said he wanted to leave and I heard God tell me “let him go”. I had a peace about this because my husband is battling with a lot of worldly demons. I truly believe I was to allow him to go and deal with his inner turmoil. I have been very positive with him and I do not nag him or put any expectations on him. If he calls I answer and hear him out and talk to him on a civilize level. I do not disrespect him in anyway ( I never did) and I do not treat him badly. Oddly, he has been calling alot making small talk and asking if I would allow him back into my life. I do feel that my husband and I will work things out but I still feel that there is work to be done in both of us. I also feel that this time apart is revealing things to us that were clouded/blurry when we were together. I love my husband and believe he loves me but I believe sometimes you truly can’t see the forest for the trees. I just want to encourage all those that are going through the pain in a marriage to really look within and find something positive to pull from your situation. I know it is hard to do that when you are so filled with pain and sadness. Please take it from someone who has been there and is there now God will see you through this regardless of the outcome of your marriage. Just put your focus on Him and he will truly show you the way. My husband has been gone two week and in that time God has given me peace, strength, encouragement and wisdom. Which is exactually what I need because I truly believe if I do not grow and my husband do not grow, if he was to return right now, it would not last. I love my husband dearly and want him back so much. However, I am thanking God for this time of trial that my marriage is going through because my focus is not on getting my husband back but rather on growing so if and when he comes back he will never leave again. I am praying for all of you and I ask that you all please pray for my husband and I as we are both on a journey to find our way. God Bless

  50. Charles says:

    Brad,
    My wife and I have been married for over 25 years and she has recently filed for divorce. We have had problems over the past 5 years due to work and family issues which has broken down our relationship. I am working to save this relationship and she is not open to working out our problem stating that “she can no longer go on like this” and sees divorce as the only option as she is unhappy. I am praying daily for her to see the positive things in our lives opposed to the negative. I have reached out to family and friends requesting to speak with her hoping that she would change her mind or stop the divorce proceedings with no success. I have not been the best husband and have taken my wife for granted with my short temper and criticism of her and my child. I love my wife dearly and missing her already as we are not speaking like a couple. This marriage means more to me than anything in world. I am praying to God to give me (and us) the strength to work through our problems as we have a bright future that will be thrown away. I am praying for a second chance as this will not only impact us but everyone in our circle of family and friends. We have a great life and I am praying it is not too late to save this marriage.

  51. Ed says:

    God spoke to me and told me Julie was the girl that I was to spend the rest of my life with. When God speaks to you how do you ever give up. I prayed my whole life for that special girl I would call my bride. The one I would have my children with. I will have to give an account one day to the one who spoke to me and said this is your bride. How can I give up? My kids are hurt and they don’t deserve this. Pride has kept her from coming clean with her transgressions. I know mine and have no problem admitting them. Please understand we are both Christians and there is no adultery or violence. Satan can’t win again. God is great! Thanks for listening.

  52. Dorothy says:

    Hi Brad,i need prayers.am going through a rough time in my marriage.I have been married for 6 years,we have 2 children and am 5 months pregnant.We currently live in the UK.
    Four months ago my husband travelled to our home country to visit his mum and while there,he met a woman and began having an affair.When he came back,he processed papers for the woman to come and visit him here in the UK.When she came,my husband just disappeared,he stopped coming home,he would pass by for a few hours and didn’t really care about the kids.When the woman went back,he started coming back but he still contacts her.Am so confused,i love my husband but how can i save my marriage with a third party involved.

  53. DJ says:

    Brad,

    First, thank you for this ministry blog…I have sat here for the past hour and read the blogs and cried; It is comforting to know that my shame, humiliation, desperation, heartache and loss has been mirrored by the others reaching out desperately for hope in the storm of their life: a broken marriage. Mine, too, is broken.

    My husband and I are six years apart…I am a woman six years older than he…we were both young when we married and immediately began having children. He pursued me hotly and then as the years wore on with careers and schooling, children, etc…we fought and fought and fought. We both wanted to win. We both wanted to punish the other for all the pain.

    My husband over the past two years has left twice…the first time for five loooooooong months and the second time (it has been since the beginning of November 2012. Both times he went on drinking binges, couch surfing, and then finding a place of his own. The first time he came back, he cried…didn’t know how we were going to make it work, but wanted to try. This lasted for a couple months…he reproposed in Niagra Falls and then a couple months later, started to drink heavily, smoke a lot of marijuana and watch porn. He was lost to me and our three boys, staying for hours at a time out in our shed, mostly all night, with these devilish activities. The whole time I have been praying for the Lord to restore our marriage in a healthy way. Things got worse. He left again with the same lines, “I just don’t love you like that anymore.” “I’ve done everything I could, things are over.” “God is giving me blessing after blessing every day so that I know I am not supposed to be with you.” “I could never redo our vows because it would be a lie.” “I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you like this.” These scripts have been repeated and repeated over to me. He comes to pick up and drop the boys off. We are sharing custody. He has filed custody papers and for divorce. I had twenty days to respond and signed but put on there that “In Christ all things are possible.” I begged him to hold off on the divorce. He even backdated the papers so that he wouldn’t have to wait the six months to be divorced. I am in a battle against the devil in my marriage.

    I have drawn close to the Lord. I am just like everyone else in this blog…trying to take one step forward and stay in the Word and pray for his salvation. The Lord tells me to wait on it and be patient. I am so scared. My husband has pushed so far away and will not take any responsibility or concern for restoring the marriage. I am asking everyone who reads this to pray for the migraine mom in Delaware.

    I have laid my marriage at Jesus’ feet…and I keep laying it down daily when I start to struggle with trusting in the Lord and seeing a life and future without my husband. The Lord seemed to deepen and widen my love for him this past year but his seemed to shrink and wither away. I am finding myself in despair and near a nervous breakdown. Please pray with me and for me, as well as for my husband’s salvation. I ask the Lord to restore my marriage in a way that would bring glory to His Kingdom.

    A great thanks for this blogging ministry…

    DJ

  54. Tim says:

    My wife of almost 10 years has left the house to live with her mother, because as she says, I love “my family” more than you and will put them first over the marriage. Needless to say, with those priorities our marriage is headed for divorce. She has not filed yet, I don’t really know what she is waiting for, I have asked her if we can please work on the marriage, she said she has no interest. We have been civil in our conversations, I am really giving her space, tried talking, asking for forgiveness, show scripture etc, but she has been very aloof about it all. She has definately checked out physically and emotionally. I am still in our home, she has not helped pay for any expenses since end of December, causing me some financial strain, I asked if she will help pay, she says no. I have a pre-nup agreement and have 80% of the assets, this could be why she is waiting to file. I have been praying daily for God’s will and to forgive me, help me move forward, and to soften her heart. Reading all these posts gives me some hope, but she is not responding. Please send your prayers out to have God’s will be done, hopefully to reconcile our marriage. But as has been said in these post, everyone has free will, and she has said she chooses to find her own path…I told her I will follow God’s. Please advise!

  55. Brad Clarke says:

    I know a lot of you have been leaving comments and that I have not been able to reply to all of them as I like to do. I have been battling some health issues which has limited my ministry. I do want you all to know that I still pray for each and everyone of you each day. I read all the comments that come and and I pray for you as soon as I read them too. My heart breaks for all of you that are hurting, but I want you to all know, we serve a Mighty God. He knows how you hurt and longs to give you rest and peace. His desire goes far beyond your marriage… He wants you to know Him in a personal way. He wants to embrace you when you mourn and celebrate with you in your victories.

    My advice will always start with one thing, the most important thing God wants… you! Not your spouse, not your marriage… just you! All my advice is based on you becoming closer to God and His Son Jesus Christ. For without Him, we have nothing. During this time of hurting, I encourage all my readers to fall before the Throne and Seek God with everything you have. For He promises that if we seek Him, we will find Him. How do you do that? It starts with prayer. Admitting to God that you have sinned and that you need Him. That you can’t do this or anything without Him as your guide. Then through daily Bible reading. Whether its a chapter of the Bible or a verse, it does not matter… but the only way you will be able to grow and for Him to minister to your soul is through His Word. Before you read, say a simple prayer and ask God to speak to you through His Word.

    While God is concerned about your marriage and your pain, He is more concerned about you and your relationship with Him. For His desire is for you to know Him… not just know of Him. Only God can heal a heart and change a heart.

    And for your spouse’s, the best thing you can do is pray for them. Nagging and begging them won’t bring them back… Trust me on this one… I know! As I stated before, only God has the power to change a heart. But you also must remember, that God gives us the power of Free Will. Meaning, your spouse has the power to reject God and His blessing, mercy, grace and love. Just continue to prayer for them and don’t stop… don’t give up until God shows you it is time to walk away.

    And Finally, remember this… God knows the pain of rejection and loss more than any of us… He is forced to deal with it everyday, as we as His children reject Him and His plans for us. So seek Him with all your heart and you will find Him. And hold true to His promises and claim them as your own… even while you pray.

    God Bless you all, and know that I am praying for you all!

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